Taoism: Shit happens.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism: Send more shit.
Atheism: No shit.
Jehova's Witness: Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science: Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
Existentialism: What is shit anyway?
Stoicism: This shit doesn't bother me.
Bokononism: <shit-eating grin>
Mama Teresism: You smell like shit.
Pantheism: It's all shit
Synonymism: For Shit's sake!